When I was in the second year of junior high school, I developed an anxiety disorder. Since elementary school, I had been seriously aiming to become a professional soccer player. However, during high school, after facing various struggles, I gave up on my dream of becoming a professional soccer player and decided to study abroad at a university in the United States. Through a self-help program I encountered in the U.S. (a program designed to overcome anxiety disorders, panic disorders, depression, and stress), I successfully overcame my anxiety disorder.
Since my early twenties, I had been suffering from chronic headaches. In my mid-twenties, there was a period when the headaches subsided after I started taking Rivotril. However, after some time, the headaches, which felt like nerve pain or a heavy, oppressive sensation, recurred. I went through doctor shopping and tried all kinds of treatments, but nothing seemed to work. I came to believe that the long-term use of Rivotril might have been causing side effects, so I decided to discontinue the medication as quickly as possible. To achieve this, I made the decision to be hospitalized for the purpose of withdrawal. This happened when I was 35 years old.
About seven years ago, I was hospitalized to taper off and discontinue a long-term prescribed medication (three 0.5mg tablets of Rivotril per day). During the tapering process, I experienced extremely severe withdrawal symptoms, but I managed to stop taking the medication entirely. However, I then developed what is referred to as benzodiazepine protracted withdrawal syndrome—a set of debilitating, lingering symptoms often described as aftereffects. I resumed taking one-third of the original dosage, but even with that, the symptoms remained excruciatingly painful.
While enduring the extreme hardship, I underwent self-rehabilitation and was hospitalized twice more for rehabilitation purposes over a span of about two years. After that, I began working at my current job as part of my rehabilitation, starting with two five-hour shifts per week. Despite struggling with the symptoms, I gradually increased my working hours, and now I am working full-time, five days a week. While I am still taking one-third of the original dosage (one 0.5mg tablet of Rivotril and six 1mg tablets of Sepazon daily), I have been able to recover about 80% so far.
This was the most prolonged and agonizing period of my life—a time that felt like living in hell. Even now, it seems it will take many more years to completely discontinue the remaining medication.
I have a vision. It is to help people who are suffering not only from anxiety disorders, panic disorders, and depression but also from the lingering symptoms caused by benzodiazepines like Rivotril, which I have personally experienced myself. I want to share what I have learned and my own experiences to help them overcome these challenges.
Although my condition is gradually improving, prolonged exposure to screens such as PCs, smartphones, and TVs can still strain my brain and nerves. Therefore, I plan to share information at my own pace. I intend to start by writing about my experiences with the lingering effects of Rivotril, and as my health allows, I also plan to share my experiences with anxiety disorders and other challenges.
